Chapter 1

“Julia she can’t be doing with this stupid reappearance act you have going on nowadays!” fumed my father.



“My little girl is ill, she needs her mother! You can’t honestly send me away?”

They’d been at it for over an hour. When I was little I’d always wanted my Mum to come back, she’d scoop me up in her arms and then hold me close and never let go. My hopes used to rise whenever I heard the sound of a car engine but that was when I still had faith in things like that. This wasn’t how I’d dreamt it but it didn’t matter, I was too weak to care. Did I actually want to see her? Probably not but she was here now after hearing the old news. I’m surprised that she even bothered coming what with all the hassle to work it would cause but it was her call not mine.

Mum’s a model, it’s hard for her to get time off work which was probably the main reason that Dad and her split. There was never any point in a relationship where you never see your wife because she’s in Milan or Paris is there? It was a mutual decision I think but Dad wasn’t happy with Mum’s carefree attitude around parenthood, I was always second place in the priority list but that could have only been expected- Mum’s a business girl (that’s what she calls it). She’s gorgeous so you’d think I’d be at least pretty too but nope, I didn’t inherit any of her natural beauty though she protests I am beautiful in my own way.

“Can I come in?” She’d made it past Dad?


“What kind of daughter would I be if I said no?” I replied.

She laughed at that comment, “Your Dad’s gone out to Sheryl’s, she rung him during our conversation. His new bird is she?”


“Sheryl and Dad have been dating for a few years actually.” I couldn’t fail to notice the resentment Mum had when she said Sheryl’s name though truthfully I thought Sheryl was quite nice.

“It won’t last long if I know your father!” dismissed Mum coming to sit next to me on my trunk. “Anyway I didn’t come all this way to talk to you about your father’s flings, oh my goodness darling how are you?”


“Good, I’ve got an appointment next week to talk about the possibility of surgery.”


“Surgery? Is that-“

“Dangerous? I guess so but my hair has already falling out.”


“Oh, well I could help you with wigs; you can get some nice realistic ones these days. We could have a girly shopping trip if you like?”

“Whatever.” To be honest I didn’t have the strength to pull myself through different shops with Mum trying on anything her hands touch and looking fabulous in it. If that wasn’t bad enough she brought me a new wardrobe of clothes each time we did go shopping which Dad always went mad at when we came back. They were clothes you’d expect on the runway, absolutely stunning but they were wasted on me, also they weren’t really comfortable.


“You’d like that wouldn’t you? Your Dad just doesn’t get these girly issues; I bet this Sheryl doesn’t either.”


“If I’m being truthful Mum I have bigger issues than girly issues at this moment in time.”

Mum scoffed, “You’d look nicer with a fake tan or something- it would really bring out your eyes.”


“Right, well remind me after all this.” I replied sarcastically.


“I will do.”

Mum’s phone started vibrating, “Can I have one moment?”


She didn’t even wait for me to answer before flipping out her phone and walking out the room. Typical Mum.

I opened the book I’d been reading last night and began reading again. It was a soppy romance, determined to make you cry at the end. It’s the type of book where you can predict the happily ever after but I’d been advised by Dad to get some feel good reading material seeing as I had practically nothing to do stuck at home. The heroine was just about to kiss the hero for the first time when I heard somebody enter the room.

“Sorry Mum, I was just reading-“ I paused, “You’re not Mum.”


“Wow, somebody’s observant today!” commented Nick. Nick’s my best friend, my only friend who doesn’t treat me as if I’m the disease and it’s contagious, he’s the same as he always has been.

“How did you get in?”


“Your front door was open so I let myself in,” he smiled. “Sorry?”


“Yeah you best be!” I laughed.

“To make it up to you I’ll let you beat me in Call of Duty?”


“You won’t have to; you know I could beat you blindfolded!”

We ended up on the couch, after playing two games of Call of Duty (both of which I won), watching Titanic. I was shivering in the cold, it happened a lot these days so I’d learnt not to mind it but Nick watched me with a concerned expression. “Do you want me to warm you up?” he offered, we cuddled for a while as we watched Leonardo convince Kate Winslet not to jump.

“What if I don’t find that?” I asked- the chances were I wouldn’t find that, not that type of passion, not this lifetime.

“The urge to jump of a moving boat?” joked Nick though he clearly understood. “Well then I’d class you as normal.”

I elbowed him gently in the ribs. “Stop it, you know what I mean, that type of love. I’ve never even been kissed you know?”


“Your life isn’t over Ella, don’t speak like it is.”

“Promise me something?” I said frowning, it was a silly think to ask for but I knew he would because he was a good friend. “Will you kiss me before I die? If the doctors say I’m going to die, will you kiss me?”


He looked torn. “Okay,” he replied reluctantly. “I don’t like thinking of you like your about to die.”


“Everybody does it.”

“Well then I’ll kiss you, if you really want me to I will.” We were sitting close now; his arms were warm around my chest.


Trust it be that moment that my mother walks in. “Sorry did I interrupt something?” asked Mum smirking at me.